Acts of Hope, Light & Strength - CANSA Hair Donation
Most families have been impacted by cancer in some way, shape or form. Some have been devastated by a type of blood cancer known as Leukaemia, just as my family was over the last two years.
Cancer often gives no warning. Rather than announcing itself proudly in advance, it creeps up and pounces when least expected. Acute Myeloid Leukaemia (AML) did just that to my sister-in-law, Sarah, in the middle of 2018. What was initially misdiagnosed as anaemia was later revealed to be a sub-type of Leukaemia that Sarah would battle against and stare down numerous times over the next two years. Unfortunately, despite her multiple victories over death’s numerous attempts including overcoming a superbug and officially going into remission mid-way through 2019, our family lost Sarah in November of 2020 as she succumbed to a brain haemorrhage brought on as a result of the Graft vs Host Disease generated by the very necessary bone marrow transplant she underwent in April of the same year.
I grew up in a family of boys and went to an all-boys school. Sarah was the closest thing I had ever had to a sister. She was wise beyond her years, super-successful and a mother who my wife and I looked to for guidance and inspiration when our journey in parenthood began. When she was diagnosed, the severity of the disease and what it would take to defeat it hit my family like a wrecking ball. Sarah’s husband, my youngest brother, was a titan as he navigated these terrifying waters and continued to be an amazing father to my two Godsons, Jordan and Daniel (9 and 7 at the time). I wanted to do something but felt powerless. Sarah started Chemo, which destroyed her body and made her lose all her hair. She didn’t want to wear a wig. But I recognised this was something I could do for cancer sufferers. Grow my hair and donate it to CANSA to be made into a wig for a patient who was going through this same horrific ordeal that Sarah was. I could give at least one person a little human dignity as they suffered through this battle with an unseen enemy.
Unlike my fairly rapidly balding two brothers, I have a mop of hair that shows no signs of ever thinning. With my mind made up I started growing it out to the required length of a 25cm ponytail, a process I foolishly thought would take a few months at most. How wrong I was! A few months passed fairly quickly, and yet I was no closer (it seemed) to achieving the goal length. It eventually took two and a half years to get to the required centimetres. By that stage I had been through the different stages of hair growth:
- Hair all over my face - ALL THE TIME!
- Finally, being able to tuck it behind my ears - at last, it was out of my face...sometimes.
- Long enough to tie up into the dreaded man-bun - but only by pulling it as tightly as possible, which meant an instant headache.
- The full-on “I look like an English soccer-player man-bun” generated much teasing and ridicule from friends and family alike, not least from Sarah during the periods she was at home.
Nevertheless, it was worth it. Despite being tempted to give in and chop the locks off numerous times, I persevered. In June of this year, I managed to donate a 30cm ponytail to CANSA to be made into a wig for another brave soul battling cancer and the vicious treatment for it, chemotherapy.
Aside from the end goal of donating my hair to CANSA, other positives came out of this journey that I had not even considered when undertaking the task. And quite a few of them as it turned out:
- The awareness it generated amongst the boys at school. Not only awareness about cancer but blood cancer and Leukaemia in particular. It also generated awareness about chemotherapy through all the questions that the boys asked. But most importantly, it created awareness of the fact that every person we interact with daily is going through something. Something we probably know nothing about and therefore we should always strive to be kind, understanding and compassionate in our interactions with others
- It clearly demonstrated the fact that we are never truly powerless. Initially, I felt powerless to do anything to help when Sarah was diagnosed, as she underwent chemotherapy, as she lay in hospital staring down death multiple times while her body fought the onslaught of a superbug. I felt powerless to help my brother as he was told time and time again that he should prepare himself and the boys to say goodbye. Sarah fought back every time. Her team of haematologists had no answers for her strength and bravery as she fought back from the brink on multiple occasions, telling my brother they could not understand how Sarah had survived yet again, how she was still alive and fighting. The last time Sarah left the hospital, her body whittled down to a mere 40kg and needing assistance to walk, the doctors and nurses of the ward lined the walls of the passage in a guard of honour and applauded her as she walked out. I will keep that video for the rest of my life as a reminder of the strength of the human spirit and how hard it can fight.
Sarah fought for so long for her family, for my brother and their two boys. Sarah was not powerless. I came to realise I was not powerless either. I came across a quote from former US president Theodore Roosevelt: “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” For various reasons I am not allowed to donate blood and was rejected as a bone marrow donor for Sarah too. The Theodore Roosevelt quote gave guidance: what could I do, with what I do have and where I am? As mentioned, unlike my follically challenged brother's, I have hair. And lots of it. This is what I could do. Donate my hair and have it made into a wig to help those suffering through cancer and chemotherapy to have a little more dignity as they fight. It's not much, but it's something. We can all do something. We are never powerless.
Sarah was called home at a very young age. She was just 36 years old. She would have turned 37 in July. She has left a massive hole in our lives that will never be filled. My brother and their two sons’ soldier on, making her proud every day. She taught us so much when she was well - her calm, rational logic and loving nature endeared her to all. She taught us even more as she fought this disease. Her strength has become our strength as we try to pick up the pieces and live for her legacy.
#hopeandlight2021 #StrongerOneAndAll #InspiringExcellence #MakingAWorldOfDifference
